This weekend, I had a girl’s night out with some amazing women. Strong, beautiful, powerful goddesses.
I had been looking forward to our gathering all week, anticipating the fun and positive energy of my little clan.
Two of the women, I know pretty well, we took a trip together last month. Another woman, I’ve met, but she didn’t join us for our recent adventure and was a little “behind” in the building relationship part of the equation.
What happened next, I have observed my entire life, but for the first time it really jumped out at me as both obvious and detrimental.
Conversation started out lighthearted; discussions about current work projects, exercise programs we were enjoying, appreciation for the restaurant and the menu.
And then somehow, it went the way every conversation I’ve ever experienced with a group of women goes.
The newer friend disclosed a personal vulnerability, a personal story of pain and heartbreak. And at first glance, no big deal. That is exactly what we women have been trained to do throughout our formative bonding years. It is how we create relationships.
Our pain, our personal story is our social collateral. It is our method for breaking the ice, getting into the groove with other women. How else can you build a connection with another woman if you don’t compare battle scars and flesh wounds?
Except that for me, pain and heartbreak are no longer interesting. Not even for a brief second. Not at all. And having studied Abraham-Hicks for a year now (in depth, for many hours a day) I can tell you that if this beautiful woman was in the hot seat, they would have shut her up immediately with a “never speak of that again” type of directive.
I wanted to distract. Change the subject, point out a pretty shiny object. I am pretty good at derailing the negative rabbit holes when I am coaching. If a client wants to go down a negative pathway, or shares an instructional story of pain and loss, I get the gist pretty quickly, reset the conversation and we move into positive aspects of the desire.
It is harder when there is a collective of women and our natural training is to listen, empathize, and subsequently pull out their own heartbreak to compare pain. Very quickly it can descend into a disheartening, dis-empowering and in my opinion, dangerous vibration.
A believer of the Law of Attraction, all I can say is, Yes AND do you want more of THAT? Because that is what you just ordered up from the Universe when you generously unpacked your social collateral in order for us to connect.
My preferred connections are those created under the careful intentions of love, appreciation and joy. Those are the relationships I treasure and fuel with my focus and interest. Namaste!